How to Cut Toenails With a Bad Back
We expect signs to give us important information, like warnings about what to anticipate when we're driving or location signs to tell us where we are. However, some people have come up with some signs that are just plain funny, threatening or sarcastic — and super blunt to boot. The following signs are sure to make everyone take notice, and they might even induce a chuckle or two. Read on to learn a thing or two from some sarcastically pointed signs.
Irish Zoo Sign
This sign at a zoo in Ireland is pretty straightforward, and it does a good job advocating for the creatures living there — along with providing a sprinkle of humor for good measure. This zoo is making the point clear that its job is to care for the animals, not you.
Although you might not have enough nutritional value to be a healthy meal for a zoo animal, you still might enjoy visiting this animal park to learn about some exotic species. Just remember to steer clear of hanging on the fences — this zoo does not want to have any unnecessary bellyaches.
Reporting from Reddit, a sister and brother-in-law traveling through Alaska and its frozen lakes during winter came across this sign: "Kids don't float!" The subtext? "Give them something that does." There's room for criticism of the graphics — those children in that boat! — but could the sign be any clearer?
A sign is one thing, but look at what festoons the pole — personal flotation devices. It's odd to see this in the winter. Though with all the daredevils who snowmobile across lakes, it's better to be safe than sorry. This would be even more poignant in July, though.
Another Zoo Sign
This funny zoo sign from a Redditor makes you wonder: What are people throwing at the crocodiles? Are they trying to feed the crocs? Or get their attention? Maybe those questions are best left unanswered.
Unless you usually carry an uncooked chicken breast around in your purse, the crocodiles at the zoo probably aren't that interested in what you're doing. Why people would be throwing things at snakes is another question altogether, but it must have been happening. Otherwise, this zoo wouldn't have felt the need for a sign.
No Trespassing
A Reddit user posted this threatening and (hopefully) jocular sign at the entrance to his uncle's property. Of course, we hope they're joking and that they're not making light of actually killing people who dared to step foot on the property.
The threatening nature of this sign might make a trespasser think twice, so we're categorizing this sign as "scary but effective." This landowner has made it very clear that he does not want strangers on his property. Point taken!
Vaccine Sign
So, this particular pediatrician wants the children — or, more likely, the parents — to know that vaccines are helping to save lives. The sign posted reads: "The best part about getting vaccinated isn't the lollipop. It's the part where you don't get sick and die." If it seems a little harsh to you, we agree.
It's common knowledge that vaccinations are an important part of growing up and staying healthy. Unfortunately, doctors have to use somewhat scary, large needles to administer the vaccines, so many doctors' offices give the kids treats when it's over. Does educating patients need to be this abrasive?
Polar Bear Danger
At one worksite somewhere in the Arctic Circle, an employer posted this warning sign. The funny part about this one is that someone wrote the word "slower" above "coworker." These workers brave the bears while keeping their spirits up.
So, if you work in the Arctic and you're being asked an awful lot to walk people to their cars, it might not be your gym membership that's paying off. They just may not want to get attacked by a polar bear.
The Original Wasn't Clear?
Of all the signs out there that we see every day, the bluntest has got to be "STOP," right? No nuance, no detail, no explanation, no conditions, no qualifications. None offered, none asked for, none required. It's self-sufficient and straightforward.
Until it's not. Sometimes a little nuance — and a little philosophy — is required. Stop "doing what everyone else is doing. Do what you want." Depending on what everyone else is doing and what you want to do, this might be reasonable advice. Hopefully, people still want to stop at this intersection, even if that's what everyone else is doing while driving. Otherwise, this is dangerous advice.
More Weird Zoo Signs
In a Pittsburgh zoo, one Instagram user was weirded out by this sign indicating that dead deer might come flopping down out of the trees at any moment. Well, we know what the leopards are having for dinner, at least.
The look on the person's face next to the sign says it all — weirded out combined with grossed out and a little bit of, "Really?" Apparently, leopards like to hide the remains of their leftovers way up high in the treetops, so look out below if you're admiring the felines at the zoo, please.
Lost?
This sign is a hilarious warning to potential maze-travelers and is meant to elicit some laughs — and maybe motivate people to really think about whether they want to embark on this journey. Here's hoping no one is currently still panicking in a tricky Halloween maze.
This funny sign is meant to reassure people who might get lost in the corn maze, but does it do the job? Hopefully, you aren't part of the one-third of people who are never recovered from this autumn-themed game.
Heads Up — State Prison
It almost seems like this sign needs a "Duh…" next to it. There are two signs, actually, and the second one seems like some kind of afterthought that appeared after one too many people picked up some unsavory travelers.
Most people are already leery of picking up strangers whom they don't know and taking them anywhere, but convicted criminals raise the scariness to a whole new level. Besides the fact that hitchhiking is illegal, it's also dangerous, and this sign pointedly reminds us why. Stay safe, and don't talk to strangers. Especially ones dressed in stripes.
Blunt, but High Falutin'
Warning signs at pet stores are inherently troubling. Apparently ferrets are dangerous. Or, to put it in the words of this sign, they have a "propensity to make unprovoked attacks." It's clear, if maybe a bit wordy. Speaking of words, "propensity?" We love that PETCO assumes a good level of literacy and vocabulary from its patrons.
The very best part of this sign? The small print! You rarely want to read the small print anywhere. But in this case, it pays off. They didn't want to post this sign, but state regulations — the Man! — required it. Maybe insurers did, too.
Just Sayin'
We know that people ignore warning signs sometimes. This sign addresses that problem. It reads: "DO NOT WALK ON ROCKS." Underneath that is: "If you do, and file suit claiming injury, this sign will be marked 'Exhibit A.'"
This sign addresses both the safety issue and what will happen if the safety warning is ignored, which is pretty impressive. Hopefully, it does its job deterring people from walking on the rocks at this beach and saves everybody the hassle of both an injury and a lawsuit.
Just Being Neighborly
This sign was posted on Reddit by a man whose neighbors thought it was their civic duty to update him on all neighborhood happenings at all times of the day or night. He humored them for a while, but because he worked night shifts, the constant interruptions to his sleep finally got him a little irritated.
So, he let the entire neighborhood know that he should only be woken up in case of a real emergency, such as being on fire. He did mention that his girlfriend thought the sign was too aggressive, but he sure got his point across.
Informative Work Signs
This caution sign warns workers about safety around heavy machinery. It reads: "CAUTION!" at the top and shows a cartoon image of a person being impaled by a forklift. Other people on the sign are running away from the machine, which appears to be chasing them at a high rate of speed. At the bottom are the words "NO PEDESTRIANS."
As far as OSHA standards go, we're not sure this sign would get approved, but at least this employer got the point across — no people walking where the machines are working. We'll leave the heavy lifting to the forklifts.
Scary Animals
What makes this sign scary is that there's a horse standing next to it in the dark, and his eyes appear to be glowing from the camera flash. It's still kind of funny, even though the sign is warning visitors that the animal has some kind of thirst for blood.
Not all horses are nice, but this particular horse appears to be possessed in the picture, upping the creepiness factor. This picture made for a lot of hilarious comments on the Reddit thread where it was posted. User JoeLikesBlue commented, "Holds out hoof. 'Give me your flesh right now.'"
Beware of the Bears
We've all heard the saying that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Well, here's a new spin on that saying on a sign posted at a hunting cabin: "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Except bears. Bears will kill you."
In the comments under this post on Reddit, people were generally arguing that the sign doesn't make any sense. You know, because of the things that will vs. things that won't kill you debate. We get it. Don't pet or feed the bears, because then you might die. It's a deal.
Public Urination
Urinating in public is basically a no-no everywhere in the world. In Tirana, Albania, officials got specific about the consequences of this behavior with their signs. In the top picture, there's a stick figure urinating on the ground with a red circle around him and a slash through the middle.
In the second picture, the stick man is still urinating on the ground, but there's a camera pointed at him, filming him. In the third and final picture, it shows the man peeing on the ground in a black square with the YouTube logo. Point taken.
Caution: Hippo Splatter
Well, this sign isn't scary so much as gag-you gross, but here it is. Did you know that there's such a thing as hippo splatter? Did you want to know? We didn't, but now we sure do, because we have a sign to tell us and show us about it.
This sign is posted at a zoo and reads "Splatter Zone" with a picture of the rear end of a hippopotamus wagging its tail with feces flying everywhere. Grossed out? We are too, but at least now we know where not to stand when we're at the hippo exhibit.
Cheeky Church Signs
We don't usually think of churches as particularly funny, but this one certainly has a sense of humor. In the church parking lot, this sign was zip-tied to the gate. It reads: "TRESPASSERS WILL BE BAPTIZED. FREQUENT TRESPASSERS WILL BE SENT AWAY ON MISSION."
Probably this church was trying to make a point while still seeming friendly and welcoming to the community. We tend to wonder if they've baptized any trespassers lately. Point well made, churchgoing people; we won't go on the grounds unless it's to worship with you!
Guessing Game
We wish this picture were clearer, but the photographer couldn't stop to snap something clearer without disobeying. This sign definitely doesn't sugarcoat, but we think maybe it should sugarcoat just a bit more. And by "sugarcoat," we mean "expand upon." How would you edit it? Would you remove the "do not?"
Or would you add a word or two? Whatever you do, don't stop…whatever you're doing right now. We wonder if this sign was prepared by the same person who edited the stop sign. They seem like kind of a troublemaker.
Kids and Gators
It seems like a no-brainer, but zoo officials felt like they had to post this sign on their reptile exhibit warning people not to climb. Under that, the sign explains that children are difficult to digest, so they'd rather not deal with it. Pretty weird, if you ask us.
Of course, nobody wants their child to fall into a pit of alligators, but just to make sure parents are paying attention, this zoo posted a sign. Hopefully this one does the trick and the alligators won't suffer any climber-related bellyaches in the future.
Crying Isn't an Emergency
So, everybody knows that theme parks are basically run by the teenagers who operate the rides, right? Well, they seem to be in charge of making the signs now, too. The sign at this theme park doesn't take kindly to people who get scared of the rides.
It seems like if so many children did this that the sign needed to be posted, then maybe the ride isn't so much fun, right? We're hoping that this sign at least deterred a few guests, because a ride full of crying kids is not why theme parks were created.
Beware of Suicidal Deer
Anybody with a driver's license has seen the bright yellow signs warning us of deer jumping into the road, but this sign put a humorous new twist on this warning. This sign reads: "SUICIDAL DEER," and under it, a smaller sign reports, "NEXT 2 MI."
This sign lets drivers know that there are deer in the area, and also that the animals may be inclined to leap into the road at any given moment. We appreciate the humor and also the caution. Nobody wins in a deer vs. car accident.
Guarded by Wolves
One Reddit user posted a sign that they saw at a wolf sanctuary. It's been said that the biggest deterrent to burglars is a dog. If regular dogs scare most burglars, we wonder what they think of wolves.
These very brave and compassionate people will be just fine with their canine guardians, and most probably, so will their valuables. A person would have to be pretty hard up and fairly insane to brave a pack of wolves to steal something. Or anything.
Death by Crocodile
It seems that a lot of zoos use humor and sarcasm in their signs. Another example of this is a sign outside of a crocodile enclosure warning people that crocodiles will, in no uncertain terms, gobble them up.
These zookeepers are all about getting straight to the point. The picture accompanying the words on the sign depicts a stick-figure man falling into the open jaws of a large and seemingly joyful crocodile. We don't know if crocodiles smile in real life, but on this sign they sure do.
Cheap Tattoo Removal
If you've ever wondered about getting that tattoo you regret lasered off and are thinking about how much money it might cost you, this tattoo parlor has a solution for you. Posted on the wall is a handsaw advertising "tattoo removal" services.
This humorous sign is a reminder that tattoos are permanent, and we should think long and hard before writing something everlasting on our bodies. Most tattoo artists refuse to print names on people, especially names of significant others, and for good reason. Many of them might become insignificant to us.
Life in Alaska
So this scary sign was posted in Alaska and is about bears breaking in. It seems alarming that the word "TIGHTLY" is bolded and bigger than the rest of the words. Has this bear broken in repeatedly?
We can only hope that, wherever in Alaska this is, the doors are able to close tightly and the bears have found other things to do, not terrorize working Alaskans. Hopefully, the beasts have found ways to amuse themselves that don't involve nibbling humans.
It's Raining Snakes…
Somewhere in Texas, snakes fall from the sky on occasion — there's a whole sign about it. We're not sure what the context of this sign is or why exactly there are snakes falling out of the sky, but this sign is here to warn you to watch out for them.
At least it's short, simple and to the point, even if it leaves some questions unanswered. We sincerely hope the sign was effective and no one got injured by falling snakes, as bizarre as that sounds. We assume snakes could cause some damage.
Tiger Steak
This zoo sign makes a point, and that's that the safety barriers that protect people from the tigers are vital. If you're a fan of steak, think about how much a nice, juicy, medium-rare slab of meat makes your mouth water. And then think about how tigers apparently view humans, according to this sign.
That they have to post a sign at all is sad. Anyone who thinks that playing with the tigers at the zoo sounds like a great idea is seriously delusional and in need of professional help. Many humans may think they're at the top of the food chain, but we'd beg to differ.
Ouchie!
Standing next to this sign is a giant cow that looks very strong. And he has massive horns. While it's endearing that Hamish the giant cow has a following, it's not advisable to mistreat an animal that weighs as much as a small car.
We hope that Hamish had a good time at the fair and that he didn't feel the need to impale or attack anyone because they were stupid enough to ignore the sign. Hamish is a beautiful, majestic animal, but we prefer him to be outdoors where he's happiest.
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